Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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