I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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