I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
