I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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