the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
