I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
