I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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