I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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