i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
