Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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