I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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