The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
