in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I believe in your delicious
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
