All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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