you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize