we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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