some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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