At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Even my vagina gasped.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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