they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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