Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
