she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
