You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
