im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
