New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
