It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
