just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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