sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
