Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
