Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
