Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
This baby is an asshole
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
