I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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