Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
