Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Still dying that you shit outside
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
