When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just blew my weed a kiss
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
