Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
jump out the window naked night went bad
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
