do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
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Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
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I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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