i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
