Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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