I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
