is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
