Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
