he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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