Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
