how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
