I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.