He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Girls should come with a carfax report
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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