I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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