so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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