he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
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Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
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He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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