I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
