When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
