That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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