Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
