it's like her boobs came off with her bra
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I don't deserve a penis
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
