U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
