Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
