is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
