I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
