He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
