i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
