I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
