theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
How external is "for external use only"?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
