Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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