Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
