Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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