Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
