i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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