the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
