I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
