Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
